SNORERS AND VICTIMS

Both snorers and victims pay attention. Relief may be in store. Snore no more. I subscribe to AARP, (American Association of Retired Persons) and I and 40 million other people receive their monthly magazine chalk full of helpful information to make our lives easier. The organization now admits men and women over 50. O'kay, o'kay, I'll get to the gist of the article on snoring they featured in one of their last issues. I am improvising; not using word for word.

DO-IT-YOURSELF-STRATEGIES

#1. Lighten up: Snorers who are overweight should lose at least 10% of their weight, (my snorer wife lost the weight and lost the snore). Eureka!!!

#2. Stop smoking: Tobacco smoked clogs your nasal passages, damages your lungs, and causes the upper airways to swell, which constricts your breathing. So live longer and give your spouse relief as well.

#3. Get moving: Reduce upper-airway congestion and create more lung capacity by doing regular aerobic exercise or brisk walking, both of which improves breathing during sleep. Don't forget to beathe during waking hours.

#4. Snack with care: Don't feast or booze before bed: a full stomach can make breathing more difficult. Alcohol relaxes the muscles in the back of the throat. Both can cause snoring and weight gain.

#5. Snorers, please don't sleep on your backs: Wear a nightie or a pyjama top with something uncomfortable sewn onto their backs. Be inventive, sleep on your side.

#6. Raise the head of your bed by four inches: Otolaryngologists recommend this, (you needn't pronounce the word) How to raise the bed? Are you kidding? Surprise yourself.

I'll make a long story short by shortening the story. I am kind of tired now, besides it's past my bedtime. So listen to my shortcuts as follows: Avoid sedatives, exercise your throat muscles by playing a wind intrument or politely yelling at your spouse, sing in the shower or elsewhere if your better half will allow it, attack allergies by using steroid or saline nasal nose sprays, lubricate your throat to decrease vibrations, wear a plastic dental splint that fits into the mouth and over the teeth to enhance nose breathing, and then there are different types of operations (I can't bring mself to repeat here) that call for invasionary tactics ever so ghastly. I left out a few other hints, enough is enough.

Good-night everyone, I am going beddy bye bye. By the way, i've got 160 other postings you might enjoy looking into when you are not snoring.