I AM EIGHTY SEVEN AND I'M NOT AS YOUNG AS I USED TO BE. IN FACT I AM AS OLD AS I AM AND IT IS NOT GOLDEN. I INVITE YOU TO LISTEN TO THE WOES AND TRIBULATIONS OF THE MAJORITY OF US OLDSTERS -- IT SHORE AIN'T PRETTY.
WE TREAD WARILY, VERY WARILY AS WE WALK THROUGH OUR HOMES --- "WATCH OUT FOR THAT CHAIR, THE SOFA JUTTING OUT, THE TOY ON THE GROUND ANY OBJECT CAN BE PERILOUS" --- BENDING DOWN FOR ANYTHING IS A NO NO, WE USE THE SERVICES OF YOUNGER PEOPLE IF THEY ARE AVAILABLE OR USE OUR TRUSTY PICKER-UPPER.
LADDERS ARE FOR FIRE FIGHTERS AND YOUNGSTERS UNDER EIGHTY, EVEN TWO STEPPERS CAN BE HAZARDOUS --- WALKING UP OR DOWN STAIRS WITHOUT BANISTERS TO HOLD ONTO ARE AVOIDED LIKE THE PLAGUE --- CHAIRS ARE DRAGGED, NEVER LIFTED.
HILLS ARE FOR ANTS AND ASSORTED ATHLETES BUT NOT FOR US. ANY HILL COULD SIMPLY BE TOO MUCH --- NO PATHS ARE SAFE WITH OUT TRUSTY WALKERS OR MOBILE CHAIRS, OR A GOOD SHOULDER TO LEAN ON.
OUR EYESIGHT LEVEL IS DOWN, OUR HEARING IS LOWER, OUR THINKING IS SINKING, OUR COPING HAS TAKEN A NOSE-DIVE -- WE TEND TO DROOL -- WE ARE EITHER TOOTHLESS OR RELY ON FALSE TEETH -- WE LOOK AWFUL CHEWING SO WE MAY CALL UPON FEWER VISITORS, BESIDES WE ARE GENERALLY TOO TIRED OR IN TOO MUCH PAIN.
ARE YOU STILL WITH US, MY MY, YOU MUST HAVE THE PATIENCE OF JOB OR YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS. ONE LAST WORD OR TWO AND WE'LL LET YOU NOD OFF. WAIT, WAIT, DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT OUR COLLECTIVE CONSTIPATION? ANOTHER TIME? OLD PEOPLE LOVE TO TALK, PARTICULARLY ABOUT
THEIR ACHES AND PAINS. THANKS FOR LISTENING.
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