Is there anything more satisfying
Than a drop shot expertly dying?
Or a lob shot that sails nicely to the rear
When your opponent at the net is near?
Or a whirling dervish of a spin
That helps contribute to a win?
Or a wicked, smashing, overhead drive
That makes your opposite go for a dive?
Or the taut music the sweet spot makes
Making you feel you got what it takes?
Can there be anything more pleasureable?
Of course not, it’s just downright immeasureable!
Showing posts with label TENNIS POEMS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TENNIS POEMS. Show all posts
Friday, July 13, 2007
BE COOL MAN
Most of us reach a degree of competence
Others arrive at degrees of incompetence
The main thing is to play the game,
Even if your stroke is lame
And if a poor shot makes you madder,
Don’t let it, you will just get sadder
Be cool, kinda grin and bear it,
You will find this has lots of merit.
Others arrive at degrees of incompetence
The main thing is to play the game,
Even if your stroke is lame
And if a poor shot makes you madder,
Don’t let it, you will just get sadder
Be cool, kinda grin and bear it,
You will find this has lots of merit.
THE TALKER
Won’t shut up for a minute.
Delivers a running commentary,
Accompanied by sounds of anguish
As he begins to lose the set.
Delivers a running commentary,
Accompanied by sounds of anguish
As he begins to lose the set.
THE DANCER
The dancer is in constant motion,
all balletic grace.
Takes more steps to the square inch,
and is exhausted after just fifteen
minutes of play.
Slow down, get rid of your paunch
first, Mister Fatty.
all balletic grace.
Takes more steps to the square inch,
and is exhausted after just fifteen
minutes of play.
Slow down, get rid of your paunch
first, Mister Fatty.
SAY THERE
“I say old chap, would you care for a spot of tennis.
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is,
Reginald Dexter Winslow, the third.”
“It would be an honor to play with someone with such a long name. You can call me Abe the first.
When I was born, my parents took a look at me
And said I was the first and with any luck, the very
Last.”
“By the way Abe old boy, have you been playing long?”
“As a matter of fact Reggie old boy, I started only a month ago but I try to practice at least twice a week
and I am so pleased you invited me to play. You look like you are a tennis expert with your clothes so
white.”
“Well I do try you know and it really is good practice for me to show others less experienced than I a few
pointers and that sort of thing. Shall we?”
“Why not, I can only try. My best I will do. More than that I can’t do as they say, Reggila.”
“I must warn you, I never play down to anyone.
I play to win, regardless."
“Gung Ho, as they say in India or someplace.”
“I’ll toss a coin, head or tails Abe my boy?”
“So let it be tails, Reggie boy.”
“Tails it is , you’ll serve I presume?”
“Why not, listen, in singles it’s that tiny square?”
“Yes, yes, by golly.”
“Ho, Ho, I made a lucky serve, so that’s 15 love?”
“Beginner’s luck chappie.”
Abe serves right deep and the return whizzes by, out
By inches. 30 love
Abe calls “OUT” happily.
“Alright, alright, dammit, just watch my thunder.”
“You’re trying your best?
“Yes, I am, I am, damn!”
“Wow, I didn’t know I could jump so high, a short,
fat guy like me. So-o, it could be forty love, no?”
“You know, you know, you don’t have to ask, Jesus!!
“Oh my, so I made a double fault and you’re back
in the game with, 40/15, isn’t that nice?”
“Yes, I am just starting, I am just starting, fatso.”
“So names he’s calling already, okay macaroni,
I’m ready for what you got, mister.”
Thirty minutes have gone by and the game score
Is five/three in favor of Abe.
Abe is dancing around the court dry as a bone.
“You’re sweating too much already partner, maybe
you can use a rest, no?” Abe is concerned.
“Don’t worry about me, mister roly poly, play ball.
Hmm, hmm, and hmm and tsk, tsk, now you lose.”
“So let’s be sure now, I won 5 games and you only won 3 games. If I win this game I will win the set?'
There is a long rally that seems to go on and on and Reginald the Third is staggering from side to side and is now letting out all his frustration.
“Goddammit, shit, lousy runt, pure luck fatty, bloody asshole, abortion that lived, shitface.”
“My, my, temper, temper in December, this is a set you will remember.” And with that said, Abe smashes a winner. “Win lose, who cares, it’s only a game, right?"
“Reggie, Reggie, why are you jumping on your nice racket, how will we be able to play the next set?”
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is,
Reginald Dexter Winslow, the third.”
“It would be an honor to play with someone with such a long name. You can call me Abe the first.
When I was born, my parents took a look at me
And said I was the first and with any luck, the very
Last.”
“By the way Abe old boy, have you been playing long?”
“As a matter of fact Reggie old boy, I started only a month ago but I try to practice at least twice a week
and I am so pleased you invited me to play. You look like you are a tennis expert with your clothes so
white.”
“Well I do try you know and it really is good practice for me to show others less experienced than I a few
pointers and that sort of thing. Shall we?”
“Why not, I can only try. My best I will do. More than that I can’t do as they say, Reggila.”
“I must warn you, I never play down to anyone.
I play to win, regardless."
“Gung Ho, as they say in India or someplace.”
“I’ll toss a coin, head or tails Abe my boy?”
“So let it be tails, Reggie boy.”
“Tails it is , you’ll serve I presume?”
“Why not, listen, in singles it’s that tiny square?”
“Yes, yes, by golly.”
“Ho, Ho, I made a lucky serve, so that’s 15 love?”
“Beginner’s luck chappie.”
Abe serves right deep and the return whizzes by, out
By inches. 30 love
Abe calls “OUT” happily.
“Alright, alright, dammit, just watch my thunder.”
“You’re trying your best?
“Yes, I am, I am, damn!”
“Wow, I didn’t know I could jump so high, a short,
fat guy like me. So-o, it could be forty love, no?”
“You know, you know, you don’t have to ask, Jesus!!
“Oh my, so I made a double fault and you’re back
in the game with, 40/15, isn’t that nice?”
“Yes, I am just starting, I am just starting, fatso.”
“So names he’s calling already, okay macaroni,
I’m ready for what you got, mister.”
Thirty minutes have gone by and the game score
Is five/three in favor of Abe.
Abe is dancing around the court dry as a bone.
“You’re sweating too much already partner, maybe
you can use a rest, no?” Abe is concerned.
“Don’t worry about me, mister roly poly, play ball.
Hmm, hmm, and hmm and tsk, tsk, now you lose.”
“So let’s be sure now, I won 5 games and you only won 3 games. If I win this game I will win the set?'
There is a long rally that seems to go on and on and Reginald the Third is staggering from side to side and is now letting out all his frustration.
“Goddammit, shit, lousy runt, pure luck fatty, bloody asshole, abortion that lived, shitface.”
“My, my, temper, temper in December, this is a set you will remember.” And with that said, Abe smashes a winner. “Win lose, who cares, it’s only a game, right?"
“Reggie, Reggie, why are you jumping on your nice racket, how will we be able to play the next set?”
THE WEAK SERVER
The weak server
rushes the net and watches
the return ball whiz by him,
Good-bye mister.
Just will not learn.
Does it again and again.
rushes the net and watches
the return ball whiz by him,
Good-bye mister.
Just will not learn.
Does it again and again.
SO THIS IS TENNIS?
Did you ever stop to think of the inanity,
of the absolute, incredible insanity,
of arming yourself with a racket,
prepared to hit or even hack at,
an innocent, defenseless, yellow ball,
that has never hurt anyone at all?
of the absolute, incredible insanity,
of arming yourself with a racket,
prepared to hit or even hack at,
an innocent, defenseless, yellow ball,
that has never hurt anyone at all?
TENNIS ANTICS
THE HAND CRUSHER
Once your hand enters his mitt,
you can forget about playing tennis
for the next two weeks or so.
THE LIMPER
Never limps when winning.
Goes into his act only
when losing.
THE NON PRO
An unbidden tennis mentor who
takes all the joy out of playing.
Ends up tying you up in knots.
Thanks for nothing buddy.
THE TWIRLER
Twirls, and twirls, and twirls his racket
as he awaits your serve.
You itch to twirl his neck as you double fault
THE BOUNCER
You fall asleep waiting for this person to serve.
If you manage to stay awake, you grit your teeth a lot.
Once your hand enters his mitt,
you can forget about playing tennis
for the next two weeks or so.
THE LIMPER
Never limps when winning.
Goes into his act only
when losing.
THE NON PRO
An unbidden tennis mentor who
takes all the joy out of playing.
Ends up tying you up in knots.
Thanks for nothing buddy.
THE TWIRLER
Twirls, and twirls, and twirls his racket
as he awaits your serve.
You itch to twirl his neck as you double fault
THE BOUNCER
You fall asleep waiting for this person to serve.
If you manage to stay awake, you grit your teeth a lot.
TENNIS ANYONE
Tennis is an all year sport.
There’s an inside and an outdoor court.
It’s not confined to young or old.
Once you’ve started you’re in the mold.
It’s poetry, it’s catching, it’s addictive.
Players are friendly, others vindictive.
I tell you straight, it does not matter.
I say it’s simply a gourmet platter.
There’s an inside and an outdoor court.
It’s not confined to young or old.
Once you’ve started you’re in the mold.
It’s poetry, it’s catching, it’s addictive.
Players are friendly, others vindictive.
I tell you straight, it does not matter.
I say it’s simply a gourmet platter.
TENNIS JUSTICE
The ball is long, you call it out.
Your opponent begins to rant and shout,
“Hey man, that ball was in a mile,
I was looking all the damn while!”
When that happens,
don’t you want to send him down the Nile
In a leaky rowboat without a paddle,
In an area infested with tsetse flies
and a piranha or two?
Your opponent begins to rant and shout,
“Hey man, that ball was in a mile,
I was looking all the damn while!”
When that happens,
don’t you want to send him down the Nile
In a leaky rowboat without a paddle,
In an area infested with tsetse flies
and a piranha or two?
THE MYOPIC ONE
Calls in balls out, particularly
when losing.
This master schemer gains at least
ten to twelve points per set.
A pox on you and your ilk.
when losing.
This master schemer gains at least
ten to twelve points per set.
A pox on you and your ilk.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
THE AIR STROKER
Every time this worthy
makes a bad stroke,
he corrects the error
by stroking the air once or twice
with his racket.
This is a lot simpler than making
proper contact with the ball.
Chaque un a son gout.
To each his own.
makes a bad stroke,
he corrects the error
by stroking the air once or twice
with his racket.
This is a lot simpler than making
proper contact with the ball.
Chaque un a son gout.
To each his own.
THE FOOT FAULTER
Throws the ball into the air,
Advances six feet into the court
And is practically at the net
Before the ball sails over.
How do you do!!!!!!!!!
Advances six feet into the court
And is practically at the net
Before the ball sails over.
How do you do!!!!!!!!!
THE HITTER
Never takes anything off the ball,
regardless of countless mishits.
Classify him among the misfits.
Woe is he who never learns!
regardless of countless mishits.
Classify him among the misfits.
Woe is he who never learns!
THE NET RUNNER
He serves and rushes the net
regardless of how weak his serve is.
He then watches the return whiz by him.
Never learns, but is in good physical
shape, this running ape.
regardless of how weak his serve is.
He then watches the return whiz by him.
Never learns, but is in good physical
shape, this running ape.
THE RACKET THROWER
This guy is well off financially.
No sportsman he.
He throws when he overhits
He throws when he underhits
He throws when he loses
Staggers to the court with
A half dozen brand new rackets
And a gross of swear words.
No sportsman he.
He throws when he overhits
He throws when he underhits
He throws when he loses
Staggers to the court with
A half dozen brand new rackets
And a gross of swear words.
THE STONEFACE
Never, but never cracks a
smile,
Not even once in a
while.
Plays grimly, won’t laugh
at your chatter.
Plays to win, no matter.
smile,
Not even once in a
while.
Plays grimly, won’t laugh
at your chatter.
Plays to win, no matter.
THE YAWNER
Spends his time stifling yawns
as he proceeds to destroy you
without half trying.
Mayhem is in order.
Kill, kill, kill!
as he proceeds to destroy you
without half trying.
Mayhem is in order.
Kill, kill, kill!
THE EXCUSE MAKER
Has an excuse for every error.
“I’m not warm yet,
I thought it was going out,
I took my eye off the ball,
I forgot to bring my racket back,
my leg cramped up,
gosh, I thought you were taking it.”
Strangulation is definitely in order!!!!!
“I’m not warm yet,
I thought it was going out,
I took my eye off the ball,
I forgot to bring my racket back,
my leg cramped up,
gosh, I thought you were taking it.”
Strangulation is definitely in order!!!!!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
THE SCORE KEEPER
This person is a menace to your sanity,
He is entirely full of his very own vanity.
He calls the score while receiving.
When you are leading he calls it deuce.
What can you do with this silly goose?
When you disagree to his folly.
He says, I trust you by golly.
At about this time you can ring his neck
And say, I trust you too, what the heck.
He is entirely full of his very own vanity.
He calls the score while receiving.
When you are leading he calls it deuce.
What can you do with this silly goose?
When you disagree to his folly.
He says, I trust you by golly.
At about this time you can ring his neck
And say, I trust you too, what the heck.
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