ALL ABOUT DRIVERS

There are drivers and then there are drivers who think they can drive. This group jump into their cars, start their engines and proceed to abandon any sense of logic, compassion or courtesy. Road rage is ever at the ready. Below,  I list a few examples of drivers who abuse the road rules of common sense.

THE CELL PHONE OPERATOR

The cell phone operator cannot bear to be away from his phone even for a minute. He will leave his home at 8 a.m. and will be back at the phone the moment he is seated in his car, five minutes later. He sits with the apparatus within easy reach. In a moment he is at it again and the device is fastened to his ear. He may or may not be speaking to someone but hey, this would-be executive is in his element.
He, she never thinks of pulling over to reveal big business deals or to fake it.
For more attention. this worthy will walk the streets and talk just loud enough for all and sundry to hear every profound word. No secrets, he wants you to pay attention. Beware of this marathon talker, he is an accident waiting to happen.

THE DECORATOR

Stickers are plastered all over his back window telling all and sundry that this driver is a traveling man, hitting all the amusement and scenic parks, whoopee! Further releases include, “I love my wife,”
“Proud parent of an honor student,” (Goody, goody gum drop, I can sleep now). You are assured that Jesus loves you as well. This is a man with a mission designed to capture your attention. Frankly, I don’t care if Jesus loves me, that he loves his wife, that he has an honor student aboard, or whether he has been to any kind of park.

THE MUSIC PLAYER

This music player loves his music loud, very loud, and wants everybody to share his masterpieces, his rap and rock special. He makes sure the volume can go no higher or his driving side window can go no lower. He serenades all and sundry any time of day or night. He wants you to know that the music is an extension of himself. In a few years he may be as deaf as a door mat.

THE LITTER BUG

A master at littering, this garbage disposal expert targets the road or sidewalk with every loose object in his car without guilt. Probably uses the floors of his house in the same way. If he smokes, and this type generally does, he will likely throw his lighted cigarette butt out the window without a thought of where it may land. Environment? What is that he asks?

THE WEAVER

This is a man with a mission. He is going places even if it means taking you with him. One lane is never enough for this jockey. He pays taxes for all the lanes and he uses them all by weaving from lane to lane leaving a trail of near heart attacks as he cuts and slashes his merry way. He may even arrive at his destination all of five minutes ahead of the slowest driver, but victory is his.

THE LIGHT RUSHER

Never learns to play the lights or traffic. He can be seen rushing up to an obvious red light at full speed, relying on his overworked brakes to stop his imbecilic rush. He will always take a yellow light without a second glance to right or left. He lives a charmed life. This so-called driver plays the same charade with the green lights --- Ah, he thinks, I’ll catch that bugger before it changes, only to find himself waiting at a red light, twiddling his thumbs.

THE TOOTER

The horn blower is a frustrated musician and will toot his horn day and night. A man on the go, this gem likes to blow cars away from the lane he professes to own. If you are not exceeding the speed limit you are just to damn slow for this moron. This nutcase has horn, will travel.

ROAD RAGE

Road is all the rage by too many would-be drivers. They have a complete vocabulary of four and five letter words at what they imagine is the slightest provocation. Going too slow out of a driveway or parking spot starts this motor mouth, mouthing off. Backing into a parking spot too slowly is a massive no no. Never stops swearing.
These drivers should keep their mouths shut for a change.

THE JERKER

The jerker cannot make up his mind. Driving with him is akin to riding a bronco. His foot constantly drifts from brake to gas and back again. Amazingly, this rodeo driver believes he is one of the few good drivers. This ‘good’ driver will see cars slowing up ahead and rush to join them and find he has to come to a screeching halt. He cannot stand being lonely.