THE MASSEUR

Massage my calves,
massage my toes
Massage my ankles
get rid of my woes

O'k, we're not as young
as we used to be,
I mean who is
a she or a he?

We're getting on in years,
like we're getting older
every minute, of every day
In every conceivable way

But we still have eyes
to realize, to glamorize
that there is so much
to be simply amorous

We're not dirty old men
or dirty old women
We simply do what we can
and if we can't
we'll not rant

So listen folks,
give me your ears,
your time will come
to be on in years

Massage my calves,
Massage my toes
Massage my ankles
Get rid of my woes

IN OUR EIGHTIES

Just because you’re eighty three
And I’m just eighty five
Does not mean, we can’t be
Like sexually alive

Move closer, move closer
I need to have you near
One part of me, touching one part of you
Leads us closer , ever closer
To an all night screw

An all night screw?
Like me and you?
What are we thinking
We must be drinking

Just give me your lips
Give me your smile
Give me your touches
I’ll put it on file

Don’t need your saliva
Don’t need your spit
Our mouths just meeting
Like a lover’s greeting
That’s a much better fit

A little touching here
A little touching there
Till maybe we could be
Like absolutely bare
Is there something growing?
Is it coming or going?

There’s always another day
To do it another way
Like way back when
In our good old heyday

JUST WORDS OLD BOY

GO --- I grit my teeth and shut my ears when I hear that word used to start a sentence that has nothing to do with the
word GO. Example: I GO...., HE GOES ....., THEY GO. They are not GOING anywhere, accept in the bad language bin.

LIKE --- Now, I LIKE a lot of things but I don't LIKE a lot of LIKES. Like, LIKE appearing in conversation every three words.
I personally don't LIKE it.

YOU KNOW --- Some people, YOU KNOW, are addicted to, YOU KNOW, to those words appearing ad nauseum, DON'T YOU KNOW. Does anyone know why?

HUNK --- I may have been a HUNK ages ago. This word is attributed to males who are, well, Hunks, tall. handsome, well built and sexy. The word HUNK is bunk. The English language can be colorful inventive, Let's not chop it up, please.

On to the OSCARS and the winners. You will hear these words repeated again and again --- GREAT, AMAZING, AWESOME by the winners. Not class acts.

THE TREES HAVE IT

I DIVORCED MY WIFE AND RAN AWAY WITH A TREE. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I did get your attention though.
I love trees and they love me. I want to think that they return my love. Do I hear them talking with each other as their boughs sway in the wind? Listen closely and you might hear them too.

I am far removed from being an arborist. I know next to nothing about trees but I do know the kind of trees I favor, those that surround my modest home. Trees that are straight and tall and true searching for the clouds, aged with expansive girths, their sturdy boughs reaching out to me, inviting me into their leafy embrace.

I don't really know their names. It's not important to me. My guess is that some of them might be oaks, redwoods, cedars, and maybe an eucalyptus or two thrown in for their distinctive scent. But each and every tree is a true friend. We're going steady. To those giant trees firmly embedded, I am truly wedded.

Now listen in to Joyce Kilmore.1886-1918, who wrote an exceptional poem about trees, one known throughout the world,

TREES
I THINK THAT I SHALL NEVER SEE
A POEM LOVELY AS A TREE.
A TREE WHOSE HUNGRY MOUTH IS PRESSED
AGAINST THE SWEET EARTH'S BREAST;

A TREE THAT LOOKS AT GOD ALL DAY,
AND LIFTS HER LEAFY ARMS TO PRAY;
A TREE THAT MAY IN SUMMER WEAR
A BEST OF ROBINS IN HER HAIR;

UPON WHOSE BOSOM SNOW HAS LAIN;
WHO INTIMATELY LIVES WITH RAIN.
POEMS ARE MADE BY FOOLS LIKE ME,
BUT ONLY GOD CAN MAKE A TREE.

A note of contention dear Joyce.
Only nature makes a tree.

Harry Behn is the author of another
TREE poem I rather enjoyed reading.
A simple poem, a poetic dimple.

Also entitled TREES

Trees are the kindest things I know
They do no harm, they simply grow
and spread a shade for sleepy cows
and gather birds among their bows

They give us fruit in leaves above,
and wood to make our houses of,
and leaves to burn on Halloween
and in the spring new buds of green.

They are first when day's begun
to touch the beams of morning sun.
They are the last to hold the light
When evening changes into night.

And when a moon floats on the sky
they hum a drowsy lullaby
of sleepy children long ago ..
Trees are the kindest things I know.

Harry Behn I salute you.

Now for an uninspiring definition of a tree.

A tree can be defined as a large, perennial,
woody plant with secondary branches
supported by a primary stem (compare with a shrub).
There is no set definition regarding minimum size,
though most authors cite a tree species as being one
which regularly reaches 6M (20 ft) tall.

Now for some big words to help us understand
the practical benefits of trees.

Plants (trees) absorb carbon dioxide and release
oxygen as part of the photosynthetic process helping
us to breathe cleaner air. Researchers have found
that many common houseplants also absorb benzene,
formaldehyde and (hold on) trichloroethylene, as well.
Google your way into finding which houseplants and
blooming potted plants perform best in fighting pollution
indoors as well.

Symptoms of indoor air pollution. They may include
headache; dizziness, cough, irritation of the eyes, nose,
and/or throat, runny nose,difficulty in breathing, chest
and/or abdominal pain, nausea, difficulty sleeping,
diarrhia, and rashes. Since most of us come down with
one or more of these symptoms, it's best to consult a
physician before running out to the plant store.

If you are interested in some trees that are distinctly
different in various ways, I give you three that will
intrigue you. Let Google introduce you to:
the BAOBAB tree, and .the WELWITSCHIA tree.
One more? The world's tallest tree,
is the MENDOCIA tree, a coast Redwood
growing in Montgomery Woods State Resort near
Ukiah. This tree will strain your neck as you
continue to look up, and up and up to reach the
end of this giant standing some 367'6"tall.

Are you still with me? Excellent -- you are
true tree lovers and I thank you for listening.
Now go find a tree to hug.

LOVE PRIMER

Want to be a hit with your wife? Make her love you to pieces? Fill your home with loving warmth? Allow you to see the gang regularly, view TV sports, be lovey dovey in bed? If you want to spice up your relationship, just follow me while I show you several simple ways to help you be on your way to paradise.
I might add that the following worked pretty well for all of my 64 years of marriage.

A) Use blank greeting cards. Be inventive, be loving, be inspiring, be your true self. I enclose a few samples I've used over the years.

MOTHER'S DAY --You have been and continue to be the kind of mother most children would want to have as their very own. You are strong, brave, selfless, dedicated and loving. My love and admiration for you is boundless. You are my woman in sickness and in health. Your very touch stirs my heart

VALENTINE'S DAY -- Dearest darling, You are my history, you are my future, and all the while there is music, love, poetry, joy, laughter and comfort. You are my now, you are therefor I am. So many valentines to come. Find peace and comfort in this one. I live for you my darlingest darling. My velvet valentine.

ANNIVERSARY -- We stumble on, you and I . Our bonds weathered through storms and ever emerging suns. Bent but not broken. Sixty-two years and we plow on, canes at the ready, undaunted, seeking solace and warmth in our nearness. On this, our anniversary, I send you my forever love.

BIRTHDAY-- After 20 years of marriage, three children, and limitless lovemaking, I must tell you that you are ever young, ever beautiful, ever desireable, and my raison d'etre for living. My birthday girl always.

I have sent my love hundreds of cards over the years. None have been the same.

B) Why not send your wife a surprise love letter out of the blue -- A few lines will do. She will be delighted.

C) Sprinkle post-it love notes through out the house in non-obvious locations. Sort of a treasure love hunt. Believe me, it works in spades.

D) Flowers for no special occasion, or an exceptional box of chocolates. include a short note.

E) Your loved one will never tire of hearing you say, I LOVE YOU.

F) Good things to do: A light kiss, non-smothering. A light touch, a look, a come here smile, a soft embrace. Don't expect this to be a prelude for more.

G) Do not insist on making love. Do not jump into bed and rush into the act. Make sure she is ready, try a little gentle foreplay. Even then play it by ear, be patient, be loving. If there is a NO for any reason be man enough to accept this.

H) Most important: Don't argue over small things, unimportant things. Most arguments can be avoided simply by saying yes -- give in if it is not earth shaking. No matter what, do not ever argue in front of your children.

I) Any of these listed approaches, will make your home a warm, caring, loving one.

THE CRABBY OLD LADY

SEE ME

When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Dundee, Scotland, it was believed that she had nothing left of any value.

Later, when the nurses were going through her meager possessions, they found this poem. It's quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Ireland.

The old lady's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the North Ireland Associaton for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on her simple, but eloquent, poem. And this little old Scottish lady, with nothing left to give to the world, is now remembered as the author of this "anonymous" poem.

What do you see nurses, what do you see?
What are you thinking, when you look at me?
Do you see~
A crabby old woman, not very wise, uncertain of habit,
with far away eyes.

A person who dribbles her food, and makes no reply
when you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try"
A woman who does not seem to notice
the things that you do, and forever is losing
a stocking or shoe

A person maybe resisting at times,
let's you do as you will, with my bathing and feeding,
and handing me my pills.

Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes nurses, cause
you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still,
as I rise at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a child of ten with a mother and a father
and brothers and sisters, who love one another.

A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet
dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty, the heart gives a leap,
remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
who need me to build a secure happy home.
A young woman of thirty, my young now grow fast
bound to each other with ties that should last.

At forty, the young ones are grown and will
soon be gone.
But my man stays beside me, so I don't
feel so alone.
At fifty once more, babies play around my knee.
Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husbnd is dead,
I look at the future, and I shudder with dread.
for my young ones are all busy,
rearing young of their own and
I think of the years and the love I have known.

I'm an old woman now, and nature is cruel.
Nature makes old age look like such a fool.

The body is crumbled, grace and vigor depart.
There is now a stone where I once had a heart

But inside this carcass, a young girl still dwells.
And now and again my battered heart swells.

I remember the joys, I remembedr the pain,
and I'm loving and lilving life all over again.
I think of the years, all too few, and gone too fast.
and I accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, nurses,
open them and see,
look a litle closer, nurses...
Please~~see the real ME

Remember it when you next meet an old person
who you might brush aside wiout looking at the
young soul within ... we will all, one day, be
there, too!

Note: Every time this old man reads
this poem, this wonderful and sad poem --
new tears surround me, tug at my heart.
I cry at weddings, I cry at funerals, I cry
when memory brings back all the dead and
maimed fellow soldiers parading before me
once again some 65 years ago.
Excuse me now, I am going to have a real
sit-down, all out sob-fest.

I also cry at man's cruelty to animals.
Now altogether, join me in an eye clearing
torrent of tears.

SNORERS AND VICTIMS

Both snorers and victims pay attention. Relief may be in store. Snore no more. I subscribe to AARP, (American Association of Retired Persons) and I and 40 million other people receive their monthly magazine chalk full of helpful information to make our lives easier. The organization now admits men and women over 50. O'kay, o'kay, I'll get to the gist of the article on snoring they featured in one of their last issues. I am improvising; not using word for word.

DO-IT-YOURSELF-STRATEGIES

#1. Lighten up: Snorers who are overweight should lose at least 10% of their weight, (my snorer wife lost the weight and lost the snore). Eureka!!!

#2. Stop smoking: Tobacco smoked clogs your nasal passages, damages your lungs, and causes the upper airways to swell, which constricts your breathing. So live longer and give your spouse relief as well.

#3. Get moving: Reduce upper-airway congestion and create more lung capacity by doing regular aerobic exercise or brisk walking, both of which improves breathing during sleep. Don't forget to beathe during waking hours.

#4. Snack with care: Don't feast or booze before bed: a full stomach can make breathing more difficult. Alcohol relaxes the muscles in the back of the throat. Both can cause snoring and weight gain.

#5. Snorers, please don't sleep on your backs: Wear a nightie or a pyjama top with something uncomfortable sewn onto their backs. Be inventive, sleep on your side.

#6. Raise the head of your bed by four inches: Otolaryngologists recommend this, (you needn't pronounce the word) How to raise the bed? Are you kidding? Surprise yourself.

I'll make a long story short by shortening the story. I am kind of tired now, besides it's past my bedtime. So listen to my shortcuts as follows: Avoid sedatives, exercise your throat muscles by playing a wind intrument or politely yelling at your spouse, sing in the shower or elsewhere if your better half will allow it, attack allergies by using steroid or saline nasal nose sprays, lubricate your throat to decrease vibrations, wear a plastic dental splint that fits into the mouth and over the teeth to enhance nose breathing, and then there are different types of operations (I can't bring mself to repeat here) that call for invasionary tactics ever so ghastly. I left out a few other hints, enough is enough.

Good-night everyone, I am going beddy bye bye. By the way, i've got 160 other postings you might enjoy looking into when you are not snoring.