OH THE ENGLISH

Max was a mouse
Maxine was a mouse
They lived in a house
When together, we call them mice
Isn’t that nice?

Let us sum up for clarity.
One mouse and one mouse equal two mice.
One louse and one louse equal two lice.
One house and one house equals two hice.
Wrong? How come? What gives?
Is this not English hilarity?
Why in heaven this disparity?

If tongue is spelled right
Shouldn’t lung be spelled longue?
Tongue and lung are pronounced the same.
Which is right and which is wrong?

If wrong is spelled right
Can I write w-r-I-t-e and be right?
Or is it wrong to be right?
Come on, just get out of sight.

But we must go on.

One cow and one cow equal two cows
One sow and one sow equals two sows
One bull and one bull equal two bulls
So one sheep and one sheep equals two sheeps
Right? Wrong. Wrong?
No matter how many sheep you own, they remain stubbornly, sheep.

If one foot becomes two feet
One boot becomes two beet
No? No? How come?
Ain’t English dumb?

Did you know that knew and gnu is not really new or that pneumonia, gnaw, and gnome can forever roam without an ‘en’ in sight to make it right?

Can anybody, just anybody, volunteer why ‘Gh’ can both start a word and end a word. Isn’t that a little frisky? Samples?
Ghost and ghoul are there to haunt us and dough and laugh is there to daunt us.
I can see why so many cannot spell, oh what the hell!

Why does ‘g’ sound like ‘j’ sometimes and ‘j’ insists on being ‘j’ until junta pops up and sounds like ‘hunta’

Wrap your tongue around the following
and do some English swallowing.

Judge, jerk, jam and jet, followed by
Ginger, germ , and gypsy, got the picture?
Pay some heed, don’t be a fixture.
Now the letter gee, golly me, starts to sound more intimate, kind of more legitimate. The real gee like in gastronomic and garrison and garlic and gosh and ghost have come to the fore. Now maybe we can all go home. Wait, one or two more?

Why is jojoba pronounced, hoohoba?
Tsetse is a fly, a tsunami is a wave, but they won’t start off the same, that’s a shame.

Look, I didn’t invent the language that fill so many with anguish. Bye for now or is it buy for now?